Lucid after Christmas

Some friends squatted a 32 million pound (?) house in beautiful square in central London. They live there, yes, for now. We gathered for a Christmas celebration that lasted 3 days, spread across 5 floors, but happened mainly in that amazing room in the basement... umm... I tried to write about it but after deleting everything 3 times I decided to share with you the fact that I had to chuck a piece of clothing in the bin when I got back home. We actually discussed how to face the outside world after all that finished. That's cos we were quite lucid. Too much I think. Anyway, since my literacy left me unelaborated I'll pass this text to you. It's about little DMT creatures. I traced a parallel in my head. That's all I can say, really.

http://deoxy.org/timemind.htm

Merry Christmas - The making of Santa Claus

Part 1



Part 2

50p? No, thanks.

I share my bandwidth with my lovely housemates, but sometimes the modem crashes, and it is locked in the office, and I don't have the key so fuck it. Got myself a nice cable internet for a reasonable price. They are coming next week! Pretty quick! The cable internet lady offered me cable TV for only 50p more and I said NO really loud. TV is not worth 50p! I love that it rhymes...

Should I stay or should I go?

Imagine

Not in my ass, please.

I can't sleep. Tomorrow I have to present a lesson to my fellow classmates so they can evaluate it. I'm on a music tutor training course, fuck. I can't think of anything. I should have it ready by now, but I keep thinking about big things, especially those I can't do anything about, like politics. I don't like governments. I like Bakunin. I chose a few quotes I like so I can share with you and go to sleep, hopefully. Big up for B.

"The liberty of man consists solely in this: that he obeys natural laws because he has himself recognized them as such, and not because they have been externally imposed upon him by any extrinsic will whatever, divine or human, collective or individual"

"Freedom without Socialism is privilege and injustice. Socialism without freedom is slavery and brutality"

"People go to church for the same reasons they go to a tavern: to stupefy themselves, to forget their misery, to imagine themselves, for a few minutes anyway, free and happy"

"To revolt is a natural tendency of life. Even a worm turns against the foot that crushes it. In general, the vitality and relative dignity of an animal can be measured by the intensity of its instinct to revolt."

"The freedom of all is essential to my freedom."

"If there is a State, then there is domination, and in turn, there is slavery."

"Where the state begins, individual liberty ceases, and vice versa."

"From the naturalistic point of view, all men are equal. There are only two exceptions to this rule of naturalistic equality: geniuses and idiots."

"Does it follow that I reject all authority? Far from me such a thought. In the matter of boots, I refer to the authority of the bootmaker; concerning houses, canals, or railroads, I consult that of the architect or engineer."

"But I recognize no infallible authority, even in special questions; consequently, whatever respect I may have for the honesty and the sincerity of such or such an individual, I have no absolute faith in any person. "

"I am conscious of my inability to grasp, in all its details and positive developments, any very large portion of human knowledge."

"If you took the most ardent revolutionary, vested him in absolute power, within a year he would be worse than the Czar himself. "




Bakunin and Antonia

Reminiscing

Walking... better, skipping down the street looking for a restaurant, staring at old buildings and posters, I remembered I had 15.000 in my pocket. I felt really rich. Could get even more thousands from the bank. I could be properly rich wasn't I in Hungary, where my 15.000 are worth 18 pounds, but it feels good. We went to a tea house and stared at the menu for a while. So many options! Dark coloured tea from Nepal with an unobtrusive nutty taste, perfect for drinking after a storm in the late afternoon. Ummm... No. Himalayan tea to be drunk reminiscing. Yes. I dwelled on my past. I dwell on it so I can chuck it away. Digest it. Gone. Can't see the point of keeping some memories. The start of a new chapter demands emptying mail box, cardboard boxes and mind clutter. I did it right there.

Why would I keep old messages? So I can stare at my worn out tail creeping into the unchangeable past? Do you read your stinking old messages? Do you still read your old lover's first attempt to seduce you? Or maybe your old lover's final bitter message? I don't. I keep some of their pictures in folders I don't really open, and sometimes I delete them, and it feels better.

I think about studying psychology 'cos I love reading about it, 'cos I think I can be good at it, but when I bump into people's memories form too long ago it gives me the creeps. I move on quickly and can't really understand why others won't. Should I study psychology anyway? I suppose so. What could come after a degree really fascinates me. I could learn how to hypnotize people. They would cut their tails and move on. Some of them would be like geckos. You cut the tail and it grows back again. Are you a gecko?

I'm not a gecko. I smash my tail with a hammer. And I won't wait till memories go. I will chuck all rubbish away, clean my mailbox once again, and really concentrate on now.

Are you stuck in the same position, with your tail in-between your legs? Are you staring at the empty space your lover left when it went away? Are you going to be like the old man I saw in a park in Budapest, passively waiting for someone to play chess with him while rehearsing old moves in his head? He must have stayed there for hours. I really hope someone showed up to play chess with him. That is a nice Hungarian thing. Chess is cool.




Play me at gameknot.com

My username is Paulette
If only the old man knew about online chess playing...

Ask me

Yes, that's how I really look like. When I have pictures taken I hold my face straight with little pieces of transparent tape, and tons of make-up on the top. I wear a nice plastic face to go to work. That's why I get so many jobs, I suppose. People like plastic.

My life runs smoothly. Everything is as it should be, and it irritates me. When everything is in "order", I attract different situations. People start talking about train times or what they ate for dinner, and I feel like hanging myself. Is it how it feels to be Swedish? Bang.

I am going to get out of this loop or I'll have to cause a big problem for myself, switch off and make tons of pure music. You laughing? That's how it goes. Ask a musician.

The U.S.A. own space

That's a cracker: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/18_10_06_usspace.pdf

Source office: http://www.ostp.gov/

Playing with knives

I played records in the most unusual circumstances, and to be honest these are the ones I like the most. Back in Brazil when I still played techno, I remember my gig at Temp in a huge "samba warehouse", pouring down with rain outside, the floor was wet and the equipment kept giving me electric shocks. In an inexplicable fit of masochism I kept messing around with the mixer like never before. Ouch.

Another remarkable episode in Sao Paulo was when my friend R played at Lov.e, one of my favourite clubs ever. We went there together, very early cos he was the first to play, and when opened his case he noticed he had forgotten his headphones. Loads of people coming, panic, what should we do? Haha. Leave me to it, I said. Go get your headphones, mate. He left me with his bag full of records and my favourite dance floor to entertain. I mixed the tunes for half an hour by watching the level meters flashing. The mixer so smooth, the sound so clear, the crowd so lovely...

There were so many nights filled with technical problems. Cross faders coming off in my hands, no monitors, inverted knobs (maximum is minimum and vice versa), fucked up needles, fucked up mixers, all sorts. Last Friday I played at The Synergy Party at SeOne, a massive club under London Bridge, high ceiling, brick walls giving that nice industrial feeling to it, full of smiley hippies mixing party, protest and quality information. Good stuff. 4 sound systems, food and proper coffee.

So I got to the stage to play at the Peace not War sound system. Most people were sitting down cos it was 6 in the morning, the crazy ones were in the trance sound system but the vibe was good nonetheless. I asked the Mc to say some crazy shit and he looked at me suspiciously. Hold on mate, I thought. Wait till I smash your brain with my music.

I started playing. In 5 minutes there were 100 more people and by the end of the set they were hundreds, screaming thank you, with that ecstasy urgency. I know, I know, my shit is heavy. Sometimes too heavy.

I asked the longhaired middle aged hippie engineer to record it with my mini disc but he said the batteries went and he replaced them but it stopped a few times anyway, so I have fragments of that night, which is a shame. Haha, I was missing the technical problems. But hey, I recorded a session at home with the same records so if you want to hear what it sounded like, click here

Mushroom talk

"[...]Since it is not easy for you to recognize other varieties of intelligence around you, your most advanced theories of politics and society have advanced only as far as the notion of collectivism. But beyond the cohesion of the members of a species into a single social organism there lie richer and even more baroque evolutionary possibilities. Symbiosis is one of these. Symbiosis is a relation of mutual dependence and positive benefits for both of the species involved. Symbiotic relationships between myself and civilized forms of higher animals have been established many times and in many places throughout the long ages of my development. These relationships have been mutually useful; within my memory is the knowledge of hyperlight drive ships and how to build them. I will trade this knowledge for a free ticket to new worlds around suns younger and more stable than your own. To secure an eternal existence down the long river of cosmic time I again and again offer this agreement to higher beings and thereby have spread throughout the galaxy over the long millennia. A mycelial network has no organs to move the world, no hands; but higher animals with manipulative abilities can become partners with the star knowledge within me and if they act in good faith, return both themselves and their humble mushroom teacher to the million worlds all citizens of our starswarm are heir to."

How to find happiness

If you want to be happy, move to someplace where more people report feeling that way. However, the happiest countries may not be the ones you want to go to. And don't get breast implants, unless you want to become seriously depressed.

An analysis of happiness in more than 65 countries by the World Values Survey shows Nigeria has the highest percentage of happy people, followed by Mexico, Venezuela, El Salvador and Puerto Rico, while Russia, Armenia and Romania have the fewest. They say, "New Zealand ranked 15 for overall satisfaction, the U.S. 16th, Australia 20th and Britain 24th-though Australia beats the other three for day- to-day happiness."

The things that make people happy vary. Personal success, self-expression, pride, and a high sense of self-esteem are important in the United States. "In Japan, on the other hand, it comes from fulfilling the expectations of your family, meeting your social responsibilities, self-discipline, cooperation and friendliness," the researchers say.

The study shows that happiness has remained the same in industrialized countries since World War II, even though incomes have risen, except for Denmark, where people have become more satisfied with life over the last three decades.

But one thing that doesn't make people happy is getting more things. The study says, "Survey after survey has shown that the desire for material goods, which has increased hand in hand with average income, is a happiness suppressant."

One example of this is the fact that women who can afford the luxury of breast implants are more than three times as likely to commit suicide. Ceci Connolly writes in The Washington Post that studies in Finland, Sweden and the U.S. all show the same reaction. This isn't true with women who've had mastectomies, only with those who enlarge their breasts for cosmetic reasons.

Being able to spend money this way is an incredible luxury, so why does it leave women so depressed? Researchers think that women who want this kind of procedure think it will solve their psychological and dating problems-and then find out it doesn't. "The ironic thing is that nobody was looking for this suicide information," says Joseph K. McLaughlin, who ran the Finnish study. "There have been lots of studies of women with breast implants, and the only consistent finding that's problematic is the suicide excess."

Women's advocate Diana Zuckerman says, "Tripling the risk of suicide is a shocking finding-growing evidence that the 'cure' might be worse than the problem it is supposed to solve. We can't just go along with the manufacturer's assumptions that implants are great for women's mental health."

One key to happiness is finding inner peace.


Found at http://www.unknowncountry.com/ via God is not an asshole

Downward spiral

You've been reading far too many books on body language. I've got my arms crossed cos I'm cold, shit. Nothing against you, mate. No, I'm ok. Just a bit distressed. Forgot my book twice this week and got hooked again. No books in the train, let's grab a newspaper. First I read them cos I have no books and a few days later I just read them for the sake of it, leaving my book in the catacombs of my huge bag. A few weeks pass and I'm looking for them papers avidly.

Sometimes I just don't think. You see me checking every carriage while the tube train stops at the station, as if I'm looking for someone, my eyes surveying all seats like a boarding school inspector. Even when I'm right at the beginning of the platform and I have to peep real quick cos the train is moving real fast, I still try. It all means I woke up too late so there is no more Metro newspaper by the entrance of the station, but I can usually find one. Immediately in those lucky days, never in those bad ones.

For some unknown reason, in the last couple of months the free newspapers multiplied themselves like gremlins in a pond. We now have 3 types of fuckers, and an average 25 copies laying around in each carriage. They are made with special ink that doesn't come off on your hands. Goooooooood. Content? The Metro is quite entertaining but full of useless statistics. The other 2? Well... Kate Moss farted, X got bigger boobs, Y got stabbed, letters from the furious readers, completely revolted with Madonna's new African baby (get a life!), and so on.

The TV critic used a whole page to completely destroy 3 programs, and I wondered what type of human being watches complete rubbish in order to criticize it. Isn't it the most miserable way to spend your days?? And then I realized I was down there in the food chain. I was criticizing the negative critic of rubbish TV programs, so I must be three times worse.

So in this downward spiral of filthiness I came out of the tube to find a Big Issue seller. God bless ya, mate. Bought it and read it, cleaning my system, brought back to light.

Here is the ad that I like the most:

Say goodbye to your petrol station. Use totally green road fuel. A simple upgrade can make most diesel lorries, vans and cars run on locally-produced, carbon neutral rapeseed oil. Feel good about your car and fight climate change.

http://www.biomotors.co.uk/

To speak the truth they will have closed mouths.

Lovely. All of a sudden television and glossy magazines seem to be relevant and useful. Read this:

[...]The critical mass of enlightenment can be defined as the smallest number of awakened human beings whose collective influence can initiate a significant shift in global consciousness. The process of creating enough enlightened ones to achieve this critical mass can be likened to the transformation of coal into diamonds. The pressure of surrounding human unconsciousness creates an urgency in the potential enlightened one to awaken from illusion. The total weight of so much unconscious 'carbon' exerts a tremendous pressure, through which a few coal stones reach the appropriate mass to become 'diamonds.' These awakened beings embody the crystal clarity of enlightened consciousness which can transform the level of consciousness of the entire planet.

[...]


The end of the Kali Yuga is history's darkest moment. In her dark age, the population explosion has dumped more unconscious human burdens on the Earth than ever before. According to the Indian mystic, Osho, these darker times exert a higher pressure of unconsciousness, which could produce a greater buddhatomic detonation of joy and awareness. Osho estimates that at least 5 percent of the human seed base has the potential intelligence to germinate an awakening. Out of an expected manure pile of 5.5 to six billion people fertilizing earth during the nightmarish nineties, there are more potential buddha buds than there were people alive on the Earth at any time for most of man's four million year history - between 275 to 300 million spiritual rebels![...]

http://deoxy.org/critmass.htm

Dragons are princesses

Oooook, life goes on. I can tell you are wondering which nasty company I'm working for now. It's a very nasty one. Westminster council. Legal daylight robbery going on in London, people. I won't give you a full parking price list cos there must be children awake at this time, but I'll tell you, people are not happy with the rules downtown. Today an angry guy did the maths and guessed if he comes to west end everyday he would spend 200 pounds a week on parking and congestion charge and fees, and probably unfair tickets to add on. They are pushing, and I'm pulling. Don't use you car then, for fuck sake!

Quoting my friend P quoting someone else:
"Perhaps all of the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is, in it's deepest being, something helpless that wants help from us."
Maybe Westminster council is a well-disguised environmental group that wants help from us. They want us to stop using our cars in order to save the planet! Oh, that's so noble!

Anyway, my job. My job is to inform people they can pay for parking by phone, and to let them know Westminster council will get rid of all the parking meters in 3 months so paying by phone will be the only method available. You have to have a credit card, a mobile phone obviously, and trust. A lot of trust. I couldn't work out what the environmental group behind Westminster council wants with this move, but I'm sure I will find out.

I guess you are worried about my safety. I mean, I could lose my 2 weeks job if they find out I gave away their identity. That's really nice of you, but don't worry cos as M pointed out, my google rating is 3, which means what I write is not really relevant to the bigger picture. Google keeps 10 wise bearded men and a Geek with a clipboard in a room in China. The wise bearded men browse the web day and nite, all of them simultaneously reading the same website (sic), while the geek with the clipboard takes notes on how many wise bearded men nodded with their hand in the chin. Only 3 bearded men nodded while reading my blog, so I can write whatever I want. Thanks wise bearded men.

My job starts really early so I have my Colombian coffee with buttered toast and a ginko bilobaobaoba pill, which allows me to be 10 times more clever right away and read my book in the tube. I'm reading Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s Breakfast of Champions. It's one of the funniest and wisest books I read lately. Wild fantasy. I love when a book makes me look forward to getting in the tube again. This one does.

Urgent appeal

I can't express how sad I am. Robert Anton Wilson is dying from post polio syndrome and has money to pay the bills for the next couple of months only. I am shocked by how cruel life can be. He sold over a million copies of The Illuminatus Trilogy, thousands of copies of Cosmic Trigger plus all the other wonderful books he's written but even though he's not been able to afford a decent end for his life. He is a genius and influenced the way I live my life tremendously. It is painful for me to see him suffer this way. If you have any spare money, please send him. I'd be immensely grateful.

Money can be sent to his PayPal address olgaceline@gmail.com. You can also send a check to RAW c/o Futique Trust, P.O. Box 3561, Santa Cruz, Ca 95063.

Please send him some money. Please. This is out of order.

http://rawilson.com/


http://www.rushkoff.com/2006/10/robert-anton-wilson-needs-our-help.php


http://www.boingboing.net/2006/10/02/robert_anton_wilson_.html

Commit no Nuisance

I have this picturesque picture on my door, so I can be reminded, among other things, of the subjective character of public messages. What do you mean, mate? Haha. What is a fucking nuisance? My piano teacher said it was originally made to keep people from peeing on the streets. Right... I imagine a drunk 18th century man dying for a piss getting his willy out of his trousers, feeling the warm flow of piss coming, the relief of pissing, oh, so nice, blissfully looking up to see this sign and quickly holding his urine cos he doesn't want to commit a nuisance. That doesn't happen, does it? This sign lives round the corner from my college, and I come and visit it every couple of weeks, just to say hello, since now the times changed and no one seems to know what a nuisance is anymore. And I love it!

But, hey, that's how they do it in England apparently, in conjunction with the "fit in" lobotomy and imposed "common sense". They put signs everywhere, expensive ones, and people just follow it(?), and the respectable middle class smiles happily. They made this huge campaign to tackle illegal work. Big fuck off posters in every bus stop saying "we know where you get you cash in hand work". Scary, hu? Not really. They spent 3 million pounds on advertisement and caught 3 people! Haha.

But I really think it's a clever way to do things. I suspect that odd fellow thinking about cheating the system is going to think twice if he/she sees big posters on every corner. Don't know about the knife campaign. It's a big problem here in England. No guns? Let's stab, then. The piss campaign, well, I won't piss on the street cos I don't have a willy, that's the main reason, but that sign would never keep me from doing it cos I wouldn't guess what it means. Lovely. Keep it like that.

100 Monkeys

Haha. As I reach peak alienation, my life reaches the top of the happiness mountain. I think I don't know what you are talking about at any given time. Alienation. Oh, don't think it's bad, hun. Should I say individuation? It is a paradox, isn't it? Just like when I bought my "I love sex" mug and went celibate for some unknown reason, I feel so close to you as much as I'm so fucking far away. I'm a walking T.A.Z.


So, tonight I'm starting a new type of autonomous zone. I will call it called SPAZ (nothing to do with spazzy), semi-temporary autonomous zone. Since I reached the peak of alienation and now the wheel of life will probably connect me to the masses again in a mundane way, just like before, I decided to test the 100 monkeys theory. I need 99 more monkeys to spread the SPAZ idea through the morphic field. My initial idea is that we practice transcendental meditation, innocence, fun useless sporadic work, sleep indulgence and that we speak like The Cat in the Hat . It will be tricky, I know, but it's worthwhile, the benefits are immense, and no higher skill comes without discipline. Any volunteers? Suggestions?

In the cracks of the system we think. The cracks in the system here in London are huge caves with air-conditioning, free food and exotic dances. It's fun. Some people manage to make the cracks even wider so we can pretend to be useful for a fair amount of money. This lovely lady made up a travel information website to try and convince people to walk or use public transport instead of using cars, and also invite people to go to Muswell Hill festival. How lovely! How do you think she wants to promote it? With a pantomime horse and funny walkers, of course! What else?

I don't know if you ever tried walking around dressed as a horse but I'll tell you, you can see fuck all, so they needed me to guide the 2 guys inside the pantomime horse through the streets of Muswell Hill, dressed as a horse rider, obviously.

Good money, the lads were fun, all good, but I feel in love recently and you know how it is. My mind kept wondering away so the pantomime horse walked into bushes, banged their head on those plastic roof things outside cafes, crossed the street randomly and nearly invaded the teddy bear event happening at the church across the road.

There was a small queue of children waiting to see their teddy bears fly from the top of the roof in parachutes. They even got a certificate afterwards, to prove that they entertained their teddies at the church that Saturday. There was a lady with a stethoscope, checking the teddies heartbeats after the jump, assuring the little ones their teddies were fine. Sweet.

We stumbled across the pavement into the church, causing various reactions. The horse's face wasn't exactly kids-friendly so the scared ones screamed in horror as I clumsily got my horse out of their sight.

Well, this story wouldn't be so special if it didn't signify the end of my beating-around-the-bush-till-last-year-at-college. From now till the end of June 2007 I'll be pursuing my noble plans of setting up an educational project in deprived areas of London (yes, there are deprived areas here) and teaching as many south London people as my energy allows how to make music.

I truly think if you have a creative output you're half awake in this world. No, I don't have the delusion or the ego trip of changing the world or the educational system as my teacher has, but if I can get a few kids in my area to make new connections, get their arses in gear and explore their unconscious through music, I'm sure the other monkeys will benefit too, and maybe they'll contaminate the neighbourhood with songs about love and detachment. Who knows? Let's see. But I just want my neighbourhood to be groovy. That's it. Merely selfish reasons.

Believe those who are seeking the truth, doubt those who find it.

I'm a highly suggestible creature. As soon as I see a big beard I believe the bearer to be a wise man.

Save... Save who?

"Save The Planet? The planet isn't going anywhere. We are. We're going away, pack your shit folks. We won't leave much of a trace either...Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, we'll be long gone, just another failed mutation...The planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, a surface nuisance. You want to know how the planet's doing? Ask those people at Pompeii who are frozen into position..." - George Carlin

hahahaha... Well done Mr Carlin. That puts things into perspective. Should we change our slogan to "save the human kind"? Huummm... Are we vanishing soon enough to save the earth? I don't know. We humans are tough, you know.

If we reduced the population of the world to 100 people just as an experiment, keeping the actual proportions, there would be 57 Asiatics, 21 Europeanss, 8 Africanss and 4 Americanss. 52 would be women, 48 would be men, 70 would be non-white, 30 would be white, 70 would be non Christianss, 30 would be Christians (sigh...), 89 would be heterosexuals and 11 would be homosexuals. 6 people would possess 59% of all mundane riches and all 6 would be Americans. From all 100 people, 80 of them would life in subhuman conditions. 70 would be analphabets, 50 would be undernourished, 1 would be about to die, 1 would be about to be born, and only 1, ladies and gentlemen, would have a university degree. There would be also 1 lucky bastard who owns a computer. It if wasn't me, it would be my husband, of course.

So if you woke up healthy this morning you're luckier than millions of people that didn't make through this week. If you have never experienced the perils of war, never felt the loneliness of prison, never felt the agony of being tortured or the afflictionss of hunger you are better off than 500 million people. If you can go to church or to your chosen holy place without the fear of being humiliated, arrested, tortured or killed, than you are more fortunate than 3 billion people.

If you have food in the fridge, clothes in your wardrobe (or everywhere in the room like me), a ceiling above your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of the world population. If you save some money in the bank and in your money pig you are among the richest 8%. If your parents are together and still alive you are a very rare person. And since you are reading this, you are "safer" than the 2 billion analphabets.

I'm ok, really. Can't complain. Sorry for the heavy post, but I thought you would like to think about the world this way for a few moments, on a different scale.