Walking... better, skipping down the street looking for a restaurant, staring at old buildings and posters, I remembered I had 15.000 in my pocket. I felt really rich. Could get even more thousands from the bank. I could be properly rich wasn't I in Hungary, where my 15.000 are worth 18 pounds, but it feels good. We went to a tea house and stared at the menu for a while. So many options! Dark coloured tea from Nepal with an unobtrusive nutty taste, perfect for drinking after a storm in the late afternoon. Ummm... No. Himalayan tea to be drunk reminiscing. Yes. I dwelled on my past. I dwell on it so I can chuck it away. Digest it. Gone. Can't see the point of keeping some memories. The start of a new chapter demands emptying mail box, cardboard boxes and mind clutter. I did it right there.
Why would I keep old messages? So I can stare at my worn out tail creeping into the unchangeable past? Do you read your stinking old messages? Do you still read your old lover's first attempt to seduce you? Or maybe your old lover's final bitter message? I don't. I keep some of their pictures in folders I don't really open, and sometimes I delete them, and it feels better.
I think about studying psychology 'cos I love reading about it, 'cos I think I can be good at it, but when I bump into people's memories form too long ago it gives me the creeps. I move on quickly and can't really understand why others won't. Should I study psychology anyway? I suppose so. What could come after a degree really fascinates me. I could learn how to hypnotize people. They would cut their tails and move on. Some of them would be like geckos. You cut the tail and it grows back again. Are you a gecko?
I'm not a gecko. I smash my tail with a hammer. And I won't wait till memories go. I will chuck all rubbish away, clean my mailbox once again, and really concentrate on now.
Are you stuck in the same position, with your tail in-between your legs? Are you staring at the empty space your lover left when it went away? Are you going to be like the old man I saw in a park in Budapest, passively waiting for someone to play chess with him while rehearsing old moves in his head? He must have stayed there for hours. I really hope someone showed up to play chess with him. That is a nice Hungarian thing. Chess is cool.
Play me at gameknot.com
My username is Paulette
If only the old man knew about online chess playing...