Thursday, 2 November 2006


Walking... better, skipping down the street looking for a restaurant, staring at old buildings and posters, I remembered I had 15.000 in my pocket. I felt really rich. Could get even more thousands from the bank. I could be properly rich wasn't I in Hungary, where my 15.000 are worth 18 pounds, but it feels good. We went to a tea house and stared at the menu for a while. So many options! Dark coloured tea from Nepal with an unobtrusive nutty taste, perfect for drinking after a storm in the late afternoon. Ummm... No. Himalayan tea to be drunk reminiscing. Yes. I dwelled on my past. I dwell on it so I can chuck it away. Digest it. Gone. Can't see the point of keeping some memories. The start of a new chapter demands emptying mail box, cardboard boxes and mind clutter. I did it right there.

Why would I keep old messages? So I can stare at my worn out tail creeping into the unchangeable past? Do you read your stinking old messages? Do you still read your old lover's first attempt to seduce you? Or maybe your old lover's final bitter message? I don't. I keep some of their pictures in folders I don't really open, and sometimes I delete them, and it feels better.

I think about studying psychology 'cos I love reading about it, 'cos I think I can be good at it, but when I bump into people's memories form too long ago it gives me the creeps. I move on quickly and can't really understand why others won't. Should I study psychology anyway? I suppose so. What could come after a degree really fascinates me. I could learn how to hypnotize people. They would cut their tails and move on. Some of them would be like geckos. You cut the tail and it grows back again. Are you a gecko?

I'm not a gecko. I smash my tail with a hammer. And I won't wait till memories go. I will chuck all rubbish away, clean my mailbox once again, and really concentrate on now.

Are you stuck in the same position, with your tail in-between your legs? Are you staring at the empty space your lover left when it went away? Are you going to be like the old man I saw in a park in Budapest, passively waiting for someone to play chess with him while rehearsing old moves in his head? He must have stayed there for hours. I really hope someone showed up to play chess with him. That is a nice Hungarian thing. Chess is cool.

Play me at

My username is Paulette
If only the old man knew about online chess playing...


Indigobusiness said...

Nice image. Taoistic.

The geckos that live in the crevices of my rock walls, the ones who aren't picked from the window screens by bats, or manage to escape my cat (which would rather eat lizards than breathe)...those surviving geckos watch the bugs gather at the light through the kitchen window.

They lay in wait, peering around the edge of the aluminum trim. I love those big eyed little lizards. They make it inside and run around the walls and ceiling, until the cat zeros in. I had one living in my bedroom most all last winter.

When they lose their tails, it still strikes me as tragic, even though I know they'll probably grow back.

Chess IS cool. Anything that helps the mind operate wordlessly is cool.

Deek Deekster said...

chess is quite cool. backgammon more closely remembles human life with it's combination of choice and chance. and cress is very nice with egg and brown bread.

Paulette said...

hahahaha... :-) Deek, thanks for writing me an email. I think chess resembles real life. U can picture people's attitudes towards life when u play them. Some think loads before acting, some plan ahead and usually win, and I play agressively and childishly. I don't like playing germans.

Indigo, nice gecko story! I didn't know you lived in a cave! U well into plato, hu?

Geckos are lovely! I used to play with them in my back garden when I was little. I even tried to warn their eggs under hot light bulbs to get more of them. Crazy kid. Send us a picture of your geckos!!

twit said...

I have never played chess so I don't see how it can be cool ;]

Paulette said...

Nice Croco Twit. Do u play domino?

twit said...

It was inspired by Ib telling us about his cat loving to eat lizards. I couldn't remember what a gekko looked like, so I googled it & immediately related to how delicious they look (despite being 'vege' for over half my life). They've got that perfect, moulded appearance & reminded me of those Haribo sweets/candies.

Alas, the closest I could find was a croc..


'mind games'
'silly buggers'
'the fool'
'with myself'..

are the only things I play ;(

Lazy said...

backgammon is an inferior game for primitive minds. chess is total war without the mess.

some distressing people treat conversation like chess, however - like a battle of two minds. good conversation is more like a desultory game of dominos - you look at the pattern that's already on the table, put something down that connects with what has gone before and provides a new opening to build on.

of course, dominos is a completely pointless game.

Paulette said...

Lazy, that's a fabulous analogy!

Indigobusiness said...