Wednesday, 29 March 2006

We Love Eddie Izzard - Quotes

"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from."

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid."

"Performing enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. Ok, we can
swing with that. But performance debilitating drugs should not be
banned. Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play to you.
That's pretty damn good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in
the distance."

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)."

"But then the Roman Empire fell like this - "oh shit". And we went into
what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone
was going -"er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then
there was the dark Ages. " I can't even see you! Where are you?""

"I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."

"But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who've had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!"
"Well, if you put it that way, I think you've got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.""

"So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for fuck all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard."

"Never put a sock in a toaster."


1 comment:

dave bones said...

that is good. i forgot about Izard. I thought it was all random stuff about jam.