Sunday, 3 September 2006

Chinese medicine

My hormone imbalance is very good for me, I think. It makes me more assertive, physically stronger in a way, slightly masculine in a sexy way. The downside is that near my period I go nuts and my skin resembles an overcooked lasagna a Bolognese. No one notices it cos the lovely Egyptians invented make-up and I know the best places to buy it. Other than that it's fine, my skin is peach-like throughout the month, apart from those 5 fucking days.

Western medicine treats my condition with pills but those horrible things make me very sensitive. So much I cry watching washing powder commercials. It's sad. I wonder if that's what it is to be a "normal" woman. I don't like it, so I made my way to the nearest Chinese medicine shop and told the Chinese woman behind the counter about my suffering.

I said I have cists in my womb that cause a hormone imbalance and it is a normal thing for a western woman to have. She said it's not normal with a very alarming tone of voice. I explained myself saying what I meant by "normal" is that 1 in every 6 women has it. She said something happened to me in my teenage years and I have to fix it, balance the hormones, and clean my blood. I wonder what happened in my teenage years. hahaha. Well...

Anyway, she gave me these lovely Chinese boxes full of pills, a Chinese soap, a Chinese lotion and wrote the instructions on the boxes cos I can't read Chinese. I'm totally in her hands. She could give anything. I wouldn't notice. Lovely feeling.

The treatment lasts for 2 weeks, and after that I'm sorted. 26 pills twice a day, a bit of Chinese soap, a bit of magik lotion and I'm saying goodbye to the Egyptians. I get home, lock myself in my room and stare at my collection of Chinese boxes, beautiful and mysterious. I feel so happy I bought them! I don't know why.

Next week I'm doing acupuncture, as recommended by the lovely Chinese woman. I've done it before. It's great! And these pills are working! But they leave a slightly metallic taste in my mouth. Anyway, they are wise people. I won't ask the I Ching if I should trust the Chinese doctor cos it will slap me in the face with a rude hexagram. It must be a bit patriotic, I suppose.


Indigobusiness said...

My first foray into the world of Chinese herbalists found me carting home an armload of various and sundry and mysterious dried herbs, barks, roots and mushrooms.

Not sure what all was in there, but after brewing it up, as per instructions -into the most vile and bitter liquor imaginable- I managed to choke down a great deal of it. The rest I used to strip paint.

I love Chinese medicine. Just wish they'd leave the lions and tigers and bears...and rhinos...alone.

Elie said...

Chinese medicine can help you a lot during those "5 days". When I took my first Chinese herbal tea several years ago it was roots, barks, and seeds boiled down to this disgusting tasting tea. I am glad they are now making them into tablet form. 26 pills a day is a lot though. Now the companies are making them to be 3 tablets 3x a day. I can handle that fine. :)

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